龙舟训练 I
昨天周一第一次龙舟训练，第一回就天阴下雨，可见我们的龙舟求雨措施很成功。晚上兴奋了，从mit走回longwood，2.5 miles，4 mph的速度，其实和跑步差不了多少，看来我慢跑的速度还是太慢。中间晃进kenmore square的一间frozen yogurt店，尝试了所有口味，于是卡路里的摄入量华丽丽的超标。今天上午没有想起来有lab meeting，本来打算好了上午有什么什么要做，之后发现要开会就泡汤了，午饭去了两个月去不了一次的nrb，于是见鬼，要不就是我是鬼，下午开始背痛脖子痛，好吧，看来我划龙舟发力的方式还是正确的。
划龙舟很好玩的～～～
1. 要点是一致，我需要做到的是看着右前方第一位同学的动作和人家保持一致。
2. 准备姿势是身体尽量前倾，左手入水，stroke垂直插入水面，右肘抬高。ready, set, pull.
3. 划行的时候保持左侧身体在龙舟外，划桨要尽量贴近船身，hit the boat.
4. 发力是靠整个身体的拉伸，而不是胳膊使劲，所以练习之后背部酸痛是正常的。
how
When I was a kid, the only woman I knew who lived alone was my aunt Margie. Although Margie was nice enough in a peppermint-scented, pilly-sweatered kind of way, I figured she lived alone because she had no other choice: She wasn’t pretty enough to get a husband or cool enough to have friends or lucky enough to be a mom. Living alone might be better than being dead, I thought, but just barely.
I had no desire to ever live alone myself, and I didn’t think I’d ever have to. I moved from my parents’ house to a college dorm room, and from my dorm to an apartment with my first husband, and when my teenage marriage broke up, I moved in with a group of friends.
Eventually, though, I found myself too old to keep labeling my cheese but not ready to move in with my adorable but oh-so-tenuous new boyfriend. And so at twenty-three I signed a lease on my first solo apartment. I was thrilled to finally be embarking on a phase that was defined by nothing more than my own moods, schedule, and agenda. But I also dreaded discovering that, alone with my own soul, I’d find nothing very compelling. What if even I didn’t want to be with me?
It was one of the first pedestrian chores of having my own place that ended up banishing my worry: I had to paint the walls, a job that clearly fell to me alone. But at the same time, I realized, no one else had any right to decide what color I painted those walls, or at what hour, or how I configured the rest of the space around them.
I remember so vividly what a thrill it was to transform the room that I can still see the gorgeous color I chose, the palest shell pink, spreading like a blush of excitement across those walls. There was an important revelation in that moment: Living alone meant pleasing nobody, not even for one second, but myself.
Of course, there were lonely moments too, and those filled with terror: As keenly as I remember the pleasure of blasting “Desperado” for five days running after a painful breakup, I remember how desolate I felt lying alone on the floor crying over him. I recall how horrible I felt upon discovering a mouse swimming desperately in my toilet. (If you must know, I shut my eyes and — yes, shoot me — I flushed.) How terrifying it was to wake up from a nightmare at 3 a.m. and feel there was no one on earth I had a right to call at that hour to comfort me.
There was also a sense that I was doing this until something better — i.e., a permanent man — came along. But while I was waiting, I was also amassing important life skills available only to those who live alone. How to single-handedly haul a dresser up five flights of stairs, say, or how not to eat all the ice cream in your freezer. Where to fortify a door so no one can get in, and when to kick that guy in your bed out.
When it’s only you within those pink walls, on the peaceful sunny days as well as the fretful nights, you get to know yourself in a way you don’t, you just can’t, in any other situation. There’s no one else to blame the mess on, to absorb the anxiety, to break the silence. You’re forced to confront your own weaknesses as well as your strengths, to figure out exactly what you want out of living with a lover or a friend (if you end up wanting that at all), and why being alone may be just perfect.
Due to love or money or some combination of the two, I moved into and out of my own apartments throughout my twenties, finally getting remarried and having my first child in the whirlwind eighteen months before my thirtieth birthday. Except for a week or two when I’ve been traveling, I haven’t lived alone since.
But here’s the important thing: I know that I could. I know that — undoubtedly like my aunt Margie — I’d like it. I even know what color I’d paint the walls.
我的梦想
我想，我真的已经生活在自己曾经的梦想里了。
比如，我可以耍赖睡到每天早晨八点钟才起床。
比如，我可以去到任何一个我想要生活的城市。
比如，我有闲时间可以读各种闲书没有人管我。
比如，我想知道为什么的时候可以google, wiki。
盛女作战
哈哈哈，一个周末看完了盛女爱作战。本来不想花时间的，尽管facebook上不少人因为这个话题刷屏，后来扫了一眼发现每集只有20分钟，不会浪费太多时间，某天晚上打算看一下的时候还是刚开始一分钟就去做别的而关掉了。昨天周六上午因为在等人，出门前没事就又打开来看一下，忍过了所谓的人生教练最没有水平的winnie之后反而变得有意思了，而且一共十集就完结也是个恰到好处的时候。节目中最有意义的是其中的各位导师，最赞金牌媒人mei ling，讲话相当到位，绝对的社交名流，认识各种高档人，点评的时候并不虚伪，缺点问题一一指出，但是相当注意使用负面语言时候的语气和神态，一位老太太，外表细节处处到位，难能可贵；其次是两性关系专家santino，年轻小朋友，也并不是靓仔，已经将自己的语言举止打造到舒服帅气迷人的程度，分析男生心理准确，技巧很有借鉴意义；另外化妆师造型师整容师都是专业，普通人在他们手里都可以被打造成女神。嘿嘿，其实我想的是，诸位导师对于盛女们的评价建议和我一眼看过去的感觉差不多嘛，真的是没有白活这么多年。额外给一句总结，靓女是不愁到不到男朋友的，能找到的一定是靓女，找不到一定是不够靓，唯一有归宿的suki是为证，mandy是为旁证，其他诸位为反证。
最后两迈
周一是波士顿马拉松，居然放假一天，第一次享受一个城市特有的节假日。
早晨醒来很早，慢慢炖了一夜的瘦肉粟米萝卜汤很是诱人，吃了早饭收拾消停还不到八点，于是转头去睡回笼觉。
再醒来正是十点，马拉松起跑，开了电视看现场直播。想了想决定出门去看比赛，毕竟跑道就在楼下，一年一度还错过了有点儿可惜。春光明媚的一个长周末，已经连续三天上班干活了，看一会儿再去实验室也不耽误工夫。再说连书里都有一章是Boston and/or bust，专门写boston marathon，还有一幅插图是整个赛道，从西边开始横贯downtown，将26.2英里的比赛路线整个描述了一遍，包括作者参赛的所见所思。
走了几步到了beacon street，已经见到人山人海，美国意义上的，道路两侧站满了人，年轻的帅哥美女们，短裙热裤。这一天突然高温，四月天里的三十度气温，人们迫不及待的进入下一个季节。
自西向东走去downtown，沿路见到的第一个sign是40km，之后25 miles，再不远是1 mile to go，人群越来越密集，很是鼓舞人心。
12点刚过，我停在路边，马拉松的记录是女士两个半小时，男子两小时零几分，女子从9点半开始，男子从10点整开始，这会儿随时会等到领跑者们从身边经过。果然，没有几分钟就给我抓拍到女子和男子的冠亚军们。唯一特写的男选手正是冠军Wesley Korir，其实当时他跑在第二位，不知为什么我选了他来定格，于是成就了冠军。
The complete book of running
But what I found even more interesting were the changes that had begun to take place in my mind. I was calmer and less anxious. I could concentrate more easily and for longer periods. I felt more in control of my life. I was less easily rattled by unexpected frustrations. I had a sense of quiet power, and if an any time I felt this power slipping anyway I could instantly call it back by going out and running.
It turns out that a great many other runners have had experiences much like my own. There is, in fact, an almost invariable pattern of development…(although an occasional person takes up running in order to find an outlet for unused energies.)…Finally, he or she realizes that something in running has a uniquely salutary effect on the human mind.
…, when we are at work we are playing games.
If we accept the idea that our lives are games, might not it also be true that what we call our games are in fact a deeper part of our lives than we may hitherto have suspected?
These slower runners have pushed themselves just as hard as the winner and, like him, have overcome fatigue and the agony of too much pain too long endured.
(second wind, making it a habit, getting over setbacks, keeping a diary)
If you don’t look gaunt, you’re out of shape.
1. Mak running a lifetime activity. 2. Don’t expect quick results. 3. Alternate hard and easy periods. 4. Increase your weekly running mileage very gradually in order to give your body plenty of time to adapt.
Running after work has advantages. It’s the best time to sweep the day’s tensions away.
Each Patriot’s Day, a Monday in mid-April, several thousand lithe, hollow-cheeked men and women in running shoes gather near an undistinguished byway called Hayden Rowe Street in the hamlet of Hopkinton, Massachusetts, exactly 26.21875 tortuous miles west of the Prudential Center in downtown Boston.
Boston is different…Nevertheless, it is the single race that captures and summarizes most of what is excellent in marathoning.
Once you have been running for a few months, you invariably notice some remarkable psychological dividend-a feeling of calmness and power, of being in control of your life.
What Happens to Your Mind
Exploring the Brain-Body Phenomenon
But at some point the conversation would invariably slip off into a topic I had not even brought up: the psychology of running. Everyone, it seemed, was secretly interested in-in a surprising number of cases obsessed by-what goes on in runners’ minds and how the sport changes people…a sense of enhanced mental energy and concentration, a feeling of heightened mental acuity…such factors as will power, the ability to apply effort during extreme fatigue, and the acceptance of pain-have a radiating power that subtly influences one’s life.
“Running gives me a sense of controlling my own life. I feel I’m doing something for myself, not depending on anyone else to do if for me.” “One thing that almost always happens is that your sense of self-worth improves. You accept yourself a little better.” …because running is such a powerful antidote to anxiety, depression and other unpleasant mental states. “Running long and hard is an ideal antidepressant, since it’s hard to run and feel sorry for yourself at the same time.” “…, exercise has been found to counter depressed feelings by increasing one’s feeling of self-esteem and independence.” “positive feelings about their body.” “The exercise, it turned out, reduced the volunteers’ tension more effectively the than tranquilizer did.”
…, because we have a propensity for turning all aspects of life, no matter how serious, into games… If we accept the idea that our lives are games, might not it also be true that what we call our games are in fact a deeper part of our lives than we may hitherto have suspected?… These slower runners have pushed themselves just as hard as the winner and, like him, have overcome fatigue and the agony of too much pain too long endured. Pain is the result of a struggle between your mind and your legs. “there is a certain pleasure which is akin to pain.”
The need for movement.
The need for self-assertion.
The need for alternations of stress and relaxation.”a voluntary change of activity is as good as or even better than rest…Stress on one system helps to relax another.” Suppose you work in an office and you come home tired, washed out, your energy gone. You dread the thought of running; yet as soon as you start, you feel better, and by the end of a half-hour you are restored. You may have felt tired, but you’ll find to your surprise that you weren’t tired at all. It’s a pleasant discovery.
The need for mastery over ourselves.
The need to indulge ourselves.
The need to play. Running is play, for even if we try hard to do well at it, it is a relief from everyday cares.
The need to lose ourselves in something greater than ourselves. “flow”
The need to meditate.
The need to live to our own rhythms.
…, most runners find they have considerably more energy than non runners, and this contributes to a feeling of greater control over their lives. “I can’t think of anything which relaxes you more mentally or eases tensions more completely the a leisurely run…When you have finished, the pleasant fatigue combined with the sense of accomplishment keeps tension away from a long time.” “We all changed our life habits…” “positive addiction” “A positive addiction, increases your mental strength and is the opposite of a negative addiction, which seems to sap the strength from every part of your life except in the area of the addiction…Negative addicts are totally involved with their addiction, having long since given up on finding love and worth. The positive addict enjoys his addiction, but it does not dominate his life.” …, an almost infallible way to shake yourself loose from habits that make life more difficult than you want it to be. …running is a powerful enemy of bad habits. …, what it teaches is how to control aggression…every mile you cover may be putting more distance between you and your destructive tendencies.
You listen to your body and you hear from your mind. “to build my confidence and then to help me come to grips with the unnecessary limitations under which I existed.” For what we learn through running radiates into the remotest corners of everything we do, making everyday failures seem less poisonous. “They will remain serious but become joyful,”…a trancelike state, a mental plateau where they feel miraculously purified and at peace with themselves and the world.
肺经当令
寅时，气虚，气血不足，寅时醒来寻太渊。太渊穴，肺经的“原穴”，肺经中元气聚集最多的地方，刺激“太渊穴”便相当于深挖一口井，使肺气源源不断地涌出，最终达到止咳、平喘的目的。五脏有疾，当取之原。病时间时甚者，取之输。阴经输穴与原穴同，以输代原。天开于子，地劈于丑，人生于寅。肺朝百脉，练气的最好时机，静坐。肺开窍于鼻。
后记：凌晨四点咳醒之后呓语。
(Apr 12, 4am-5am; Apr 14, 4am)
Apr 14-Apr 15, 列缺。
Apr 10, 2012 20:50pm 37.6oC
Apr 10, 2012 22:15pm 37.2oC
midnight in paris
这么说吧，长这么大，还从来没有遇到一个和我想法相似的人。
倒是从来没有感慨过什么golden age，因为第一能想到的就是古时候没有antibiotics… 未来也许可以畅想一下，不过首要做到的就是自己得活得足够长，可惜命这种东东是自己无法控制的，反正都是注定的，那么就更没有所谓了，顺其自然，还不累。提一句傅立叶变换，一切都是时间和频率的变换，那么起点已知，时间轴上的进程当然是可以predict的。
Let’s Do It 好好听，居然听懂了，感谢les miserable的启蒙。
People say, in Boston, even beans do it.
http://www.xiami.com/song/showcollect/id/7200624
running
一种可以让我集中精力看书的动力是所谓的大限将至，譬如第二天要期末考试，或者明天老板要找我谈话。本科的时候如此，某一个晚上看完了沉默的羔羊二，另一个晚上看完了穆斯林的葬礼，都是本来应该自习温书的时间，却在阅览馆里静坐四五个小时读闲书，之后考试的结果或好或赖属于随机现象，心灵上的收获是我意识到自己居然还能够为某件事情而投入。
今天老板找我谈课题，于是昨天晚上又重现了一次，找了本书来读，英文名是The Complete Book of Running，翻译的不好但是没有找到英文电子版，凑合着先看中文版了。书里讲得很好，哲学意义上精神的喜乐，正是我这几日所体会着的。另外用了大篇幅讨论跑步的生理学意义，还谈到长距离与马拉松，也许是我尚未有感受和共鸣，暂时只对形而上的东西感兴趣。
刚刚开始跑步四五天，我不敢说能坚持多久，但是快乐的心境是从来没有过的。第一，入睡。天天可以躺下就睡着，过去的一万多天都很少有。早晨六七点自然醒，也觉得睡够了。尽管梦做得很奇怪，每天回到高中时候的家里，还都让我当真，这一点需要继续观察。第二，放松。我知道自己天生精力过剩，但是懒于动脑，控制不了停止思考包括做梦都在想事，却善于逃避从来不想重要或者困难的事情，各种无法消耗能量，所以每天挠心，只有跑了五千米之后才好像不那么烦躁了。第三，开心。跑完步回家的路上心情是最好的，不由得微笑，一个人走着，看花儿花儿美，看月亮月亮明。第四，独处。不喜欢一个人呆着，各种不愿意，尽管好久以来都是一个人。白天上班还好，至少有活干，到了晚上会郁闷，不知道该干嘛，连说话的人都没有。现在不了，晚上可以去跑步，况且跑步是一个人的事情，需要自己和自己在一起。第五，休养。史上第一个万米之后肩膀有点儿酸，拉伸的时候抻到了左腿韧带，隔天走路有感觉，晚上没有理会，还是去跑步了，五千完了，哪儿都不酸不痛了，疗效神奇。
无论如何，来日方长。
http://www.runnersworld.com/
http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2012/04/chasing-down-a-better-way-to-run/?utm_source=SilverpopMailing&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=04.05.12%2520%281%29&utm_content
第一个10k
人生的又一个里程碑，一万米，当然是龟速跑步，一小时零几分钟。
许是因为跑得慢，5.3 mph，完了没有任何感觉，没有呼吸不畅，没有腰酸背痛腿抽筋，再接着打场球都有可能。只是脖子有点儿酸，可能是因为跑了一个小时颠簸的，也可能是因为重复的摆臂动作，最有可能还是因为平时做实验看电脑劳损造成的。身体好才是真的好，昨天周六跑了五千，今天周日接着一万，如此轻松，我都不知道自己还是有点儿潜力的。更喜欢室外，可以看星星，一圈又一圈，一会儿半个小时就过去了；跑步机是第一次，各种无聊，看电视也没劲，也只有今天这样的阴雨天才忍了。
从另外一个角度来看，我想减肥，一定困难重重。已经不吃晚饭了，基本上保持体重不增加；各种运动一小时，比如壁球，街舞，有氧操，只是出汗，并不累；现在开始长跑，也没啥感觉，不知道持续下去效果怎样。大约还得加上速度，可是提速之后跑步就不好玩了，只有慢慢跑才比较舒服。我是坚持呢，坚持呢，还是坚持呢。
额外的收获是心情舒畅，我决定了：
以后不论遇到什么烦心的事情，先拉出去跑一万米，再做打算。
小星巴克
实验室对面有两间星巴克，一间有座位，一间没有，姑且称之为小星巴克。想起这个是因为昨天早晨去到beth israel主楼抽血的时候，恍然间忆起这里我来过，三年前的三月和光光坐在lobby里小星巴克外边的椅子上，那天他刚刚面完一个实验室，我隔天面试，在写一个研究计划。之前我不停地说波士顿很好，拉他来波士顿玩，拉他来面试，直到之后他找到工作，直到又不知过了多久我也在隔壁楼开始工作。我从来不愁没有想法，没有动力，没有计划，没有行动，只要足够有耐心，该有的总会有的。
重看一天
年初柳柳推荐给我的，one day，昨天晚上又想起来再看一次，停在前半段em和dex仍旧青涩的岁月。依旧感动，为两人的真爱，为emma的感觉，只是这会儿没心情写感想了，几个月前是这么写的：
em和dex的互动每次都能感动到我，不由感慨岁月蹉跎，他们也不早在一起，不过能在一起就已经太开心太开心了。他们一直在一起的话，两个人都能变成更好更好的人，成为一个nice and decent的人还是很有意义的。
柳柳说：成为两个happy and decent的人。
She made you decent, and in return, you made her so happy.
The best thing that you could do would be to try to live your life as if Emma was still here.
食物中毒
刚刚过去的周日没有游泳是因为食物中毒，幸好姐姐自身强大，硬是给扛过去了，吐了一次，胆汁一般苦，在家睡了一天。回忆到底是什么食物有问题，周五做实验没吃中饭，晚餐法国菜不会有问题，半夜吃了各种不健康的薯条但应该没事；周六中午的凉拌莴笋真的有点点苦，虽然我已经尽可能削笋削到几乎不剩什么了，也许只是因为是生的，晚上在中国城香满园，一起吃饭的人也没听说有事；周日别说吃东西了，上午就没有爬起来，又一次觉得自己差点儿晕倒在洗手间里，上一次是两年前呢，那回也是不知道吃了什么。下午终于能动了的时候，米饭冲了水熬成大米粥，新买的腐乳排上了用场，挣扎着灌了几口，睡睡醒醒，傍晚倒是轻松了，热了半碗粥，再加一块腐乳，开始有兴致看电视了，看完了夫妻那些事，这才明白平时闲的没事看电视剧是因为身体健康，无病无痛，晚上心情好还去实验室给细胞换了液。
和两年前一模一样，生病一次才记得找家庭医生。那次是2010年6月，连续低烧三个晚上，周四周五自己去了两天ER，只给吊生理盐水，每次copay 50块也忍了，一个月后收到账单是3700美金，一袋盐水800块，天杀的美国医疗系统，其实还没有用任何药物和抗生素，治病也没啥效果，直到周六上午终于喷吐一次，躺倒在公共洗手间的地板上几乎失去意识，最后还在想真的晕过去也没事，国际公寓里其他女生或者保洁会看到我的，好在几分钟就缓过来了，也感觉开始好起来，后来也就真的好了，自己诊断是胃肠性的。之后马上找了第一个家庭医生，符合两个原则，一是离我家近，只隔一条马路，确保我爬也能爬过去；二是我所在医学院的附属医院，同一个系统容易沟通。
回到昨天，周一马上开始约PCP，brigham and women’s（布莱根妇女医院）的医生至少得排到5月去，而且不在实验室隔壁的医院大楼，在一英里之外的不知道哪里，于是换马路对面的医院，beth israel deaconess medical center（贝斯以色列医学中心），反正都是些世界上最好的医院，我也不介意医生是resident，所以约到了隔天周二中午。我从实验室走过去，原来就在小星巴克的楼上，我还挂着children’s（儿童医院）的工作牌呢，所以和医生沟通起来很亲切。不但是各种没有问题，他都没法给我任何建议和医嘱，因为我规律生活到没有生活，他的原话是对于年轻人，他们医生一般会建议少抽烟喝酒派对正常作息加强锻炼，但是没什么指导能够给我，因为我不但都在身体力行而且除了锻炼还节食减肥。
intermediate 6
谢天谢地，出勤率终于达到了50%，虽然还剩最后一节课了，最好的结果也不过是7/12不到60%的出席。周末的游泳课比较悲催，赶上了滑雪的季节，翘了两回，各种其他原因又翘了不知道几次，总之我已经几乎没脸再去见老师了。世界上的事情总是这么奇怪，我花钱报名之后，总是各种各样的客观原因去不到。在港大经历了两三个夏天的自由泳课是如此，最低出勤率为零，最高为一半，还算是学会了；在宾大一年的gym三百多块钱，理论上平均一天一块钱，可惜我一年只去游了一次泳，一次三百多啊，天价。每每我都已经尽可能的push自己了，往往人算不如天算，往往有些我心目中priority更高的事情。
又是周末
La Voile，法语帆船，在newburry street上，yelp里上百条reviews都是4颗星，三个$的符号，基本一道前菜15块钱，主菜30，甜点10块，针对restaurant week有fixed menu，三道菜一共$33.12，很是划算。当然关心restaurant week的人们都是吃货，只挑贵的餐馆来订位，所以能让我碰运气在周五下午订到晚上的一间法国菜实属不易。有人答应我的boston restaurant week也没影儿了，那么我可以和亲们一起去。
之后试图复活，第一次组织滑冰活动，非常成功，多谢大家响应。恰逢MIT ice rink这个季度最后一天开放，下一次能够滑冰就是冬天再次来临的时候。另外我攒了不少MIT的day passes，所以可以组织活动免费带大家进去。曾经在未名湖上学过十分钟的滑冰，只会单蹬单滑，只能前进，不会刹车，不会转弯，至少可以一直绕场转圈，从来不会摔跤。真是低估了情绪的影响，在讲某件事情的时候，真的会脚下不稳，直接扑倒，摔得四仰八叉，哎。。。
瑪麗醫院
啱啱等緊人，睇翡翠台今個月的新劇，on call 36小時，冇埋第一集的鏈接，直接去睇大結局，閃過間醫院，卑我睇到係瑪麗醫院，之後尾聲有幾個醫學生去醫院做intern，討論緊吾知瑪麗的餐廳好吾好食，我好想話，好好食，又平又靚又正。
